Comfortable American Christianity: A Future Obituary
Undetermined — 2022
Comfortable American Christianity is survived by his spouse Consumerism and two children The Prosperity Gospel and Social Justice Gospel. Comfortable American Christianity was born to his parents Relativism and Idol of Self at a date that was never determined but location was most likely somewhere in the Southern United States.
Comfortable American Christianity was instrumental in changing the mindset of the Christian Church by relying heavily on business-like practices to meet felt needs among its fellow Americans. This led to a swell in growth numerically. This growth led to a flurry of activity and organizations that were well intentioned to be for his company’s purposes: Kingdom of Heaven. Kingdom of Heaven’s CEO could not be reached for comment but we were told by a spokesperson to go read Isaiah 1:11–15 for a response.
The events surrounding the death of Comfortable American Christianity are still unclear. Some deposit that Comfortable American Christianity’s long time rival/opponent Biblical Christianity finally defeated its foe. Others believe it was his parents Relativism and Idol of Self because they have a history of destroying their own. His parents have a history of birthing new and seemingly better children that tend to usurp the previous children. These new children tend to progress their parents’ agenda making the former children obsolete and in need of destruction. Its ironic, to this observer, the thing that led to the growth of Comfortable American Christianity also led to their demise. Proponents of Biblical Christianity were reached for comment, “We were not surprised by this news. The Idol of Self has never delivered what she promises but there is hope. The Kingdom of Heaven’s CEO asks you to read Isaiah 1:16–18.”
One thing is for sure, from its birth Comfortable American Christianity’s days were numbered. Biblical Christianity calls this a cautionary tale for the followers of Relativism and Self’s new children. But their followers are hoping that these children will be different. I guess only time will tell.
