A Complementarian’s Apology

I don’t believe that Complementarianism’s solution is Egalitarianism.

Rather, it is faithful Biblical Complementarianism.

Given the current state of our Western American Church culture, when it comes to gender roles in the life of the church, I believe the first step to faithful Biblical Complementarianism is an apology, confession and repentance.

This is my humble, more than likely, insufficient attempt.

Christian women, fellow sisters in Christ, beloved children of the Most High…

1. I am sorry for allowing the Western ideology of “leadership is power” to override the Biblical command of “leadership is sacrifice and service”.

• This is in direct disobedience to the commands of Jesus in Matthew 20:25–28.
• Lord Jesus, please make me a man that fulfills the call to lead as you led.

2. I am sorry for any instance where I used authoritarian fear to manipulate your submission to my leadership.

• This is in direct disobedience to the command and qualification of an elder to be gentle not violent. 1 Timothy 3:3.
• Lord Jesus, please make me gentle as you are gentle. May Your gentleness and meekness in me stir the hearts of those I lead to joyful, loving, and willful unity in the Body of Christ.

3. I am sorry for any instance where I felt threatened by your strength in gifting and discouraged, dismissed and patronized you for it.

• This is in direct disobedience to the call of the elder to equip the saints for the work of the ministry. Ephesians 4:12
• Lord Jesus, please help me to fully equip, support, and nurture the measures of grace that you have placed in women at their second birth. May I not grieve Your Spirit’s presence in my sister’s life with my insecurities, jealousy, envy, and fear.

4. I am sorry for the example of inconsistency that I have modeled before you in rejoicing in the young man that shows signs of teaching gifts, yet de-emphasize yours.

• This is in direct disobedience to the qualifications of elders by not being above reproach and sober-minded. 1 Timothy 3:2 Not being above reproach because the inconsistency is glaringly obvious, leading to legitimate accusations of being inconsistent and inequitable. Not being sober-minded enough to see this blind spot and unfair treatment of my sisters in Christ.
• Lord Jesus, make me an elder that celebrates and rejoices equally in the gifts that You have placed in my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

5. I am sorry for the example of inconsistency in giving men who teach a lower standard of accountability, simply because they are men, yet you have to meet all the requirements with excellence.

• This is in direct disobedience to the qualification of elders to not be arrogant. Titus 1:7
• Lord Jesus, kill the worldly idea and pride that still lingers and lurks, that I am more capable and able than women to lead your church.

6. I am sorry that I have turned a blind eye to an unfaithful, unbiblical, manipulative, cultural, and generational Complementarianism. The evils that are spoken of Complementarianism are not unfounded and are warranted.

• This blind eye is in direct disobedience to the command in Titus for the young men to be a model of good works, show integrity in our teaching, dignity and sound speech, so that our opponents may have nothing evil to say of us. Titus 2:6–8
• Lord Jesus, may I never be comfortable with unholiness of any sort in Your Holy Bride. Give me Your heart and mind. Fill me with Your Spirit so that I might discern the difference that may be subtle to me yet grieves You. Help me to faithfully shepherd and protect the flock entrusted to me.

7. I am sorry for being a lazy theologian and dismissing your questions about gender roles in the church.

• This is in direct disobedience to 2 Timothy 4:2. I was not ready. I didn’t exercise patience. I failed you.
• Lord Jesus, make me ready in season and out of season for the tough questions and hard conversations. Give me patience and a listening ear to the hurts, doubts, fears, frustrations and questions of the women you have called me to shepherd.

8. I am sorry for being quicker and clearer on what you can’t do in the church than what you can do.

• This is in direct disobedience to Ephesians 4:29 to build up and encourage you thus providing grace.
• Lord Jesus, please make me an elder that encourages, builds up, as fits the occasion. So that I might provide grace to the hearer.

9. I am sorry that I have allowed, overwhelming so, other men to inform my views of Biblical Complementarianism and have not welcomed, listened and learned from faithful Christian women on Biblical Complementarianism.

• This is in direct disobedience to Philippians 2:2–4 to look to the interest of others and consider them above my own. Then being of one mind and accord.
• Lord Jesus, give me Your mind that is rooted in humility. This divide is my own doing through arrogance, serving my own interests and comforts.

10. I am sorry that I have hid behind a title, role, and cultural authority and not ministered to and addressed the issues of your wounds done to you in the name of biblical authority.

• This is in direct disobedience to the command to bear one another’s burdens. Galatians 6:2
• Lord Jesus, Great Shepherd of Sheep, please build in me empathy. Ingrain in me compassion that I may truly mourn with my fellow sisters in Christ who are mourning.

I am sorry that I have failed you and distorted Biblical Complementarianism.

I am still a Complementarian. Help me be a faithful one.

Lord Jesus, may my fellow sisters and I fulfill, to our dying day, the command set forth in your word… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21